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So its been along time since i have written anything.....life is so peachy so like i was on vacation for like 2 weeks and i loved it but the thing is that i was missing home.....see the reason why this is so out of the ordinary is because i love taking vacations i love to just leave and pretend that i have no worries in life...so yeah what's new with is that so i'm not sure if i had said this in a previous entry or not but i'm dateing this chick from work for a few months now and its going alright i guess like all the doubts that i had in the beginning are starting to go away....the scary thing is that i started to fall in love with her which is very scary considering that i have never told anyone that i love them and actually meant it.....the only thing is saying it and hoping that she feels the same way....but the thing is that i'm not a person that expresses how they feel so for me to say anything takes along time. I think i need to start saying things like she's beautiful even though i think she is i think i need to tell her b/c i don't want her to think that i don't think she is.....but yeah even though i don't have as many doubts i still have them one reason is b/c she was engaged for 2 years and its kind of like how do u compete with that like i know that u shouldn't try to compete but i just look at the future instead of just right now...like how can one just go from a committed relationship with a guy and then be in one with a girl its not like i don't think its possible i believe that u fall in love with who u fall in love with no matter who they are and what they are....but back to what i was saying its like i look at the future and i look at all the things she could have if she with a guy like get married have kids the easy way u know the typical life....and then i look at the fact that she's with me and i can't help but think sometimes why are u with me and am i worth the trouble for if we are together long enough to think about having kids am i worth the trouble of u eventually telling ur fam or not even telling ur fam and keeping them shut out of that part of ur life....is anyone worth that trouble...personally i think that she is worth all of it....but there is that lingering question in the back of my mind does she think the same way....that is one of the reasons why i don't tell her how i feel b/c if i don't say it then its not real....but then again that doesn't work b/c u don't say anything then she probably thinks i'm in it until something better comes along and i'm not....i am happy with who i'm with and don't plan on going anywhere for along time....one last question and then i'm done is it wrong for me to disappear(sp) when her sister comes around i'm not sure i normally do i have no reason why and even when i'm like invited and stuff u know what the most pathetic thing is that when she's like my sis might be comming in town on whatever day i think of "things" that i need to do....now if that's not pathetic then i don't know what is....so i'm done talking now
I WILL STICK U IN UR GOOD EYE!!! ( DANIEL)
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| ok so its been awhile since i've written anything....not too much is going on i started school again and its hard going back to school after being out for a year but i think i can do it....anyways so i moved and its nice i'm away from distractions but i feel i have no friends b/c there all on the other side of town and like the one friend i have on this side of town is so flip flop that if she says she's going to call on mon she calls like three weeks later on a tues or something so its a little lonely here but oh well....so i'm in an americorps program and so my team member and i have nothing in common like they are all these i've been to Africa like 3 times and there's this one that gets on my nerves when people ask him what he went to school for he tells them and then he tells them its like annoying...... |
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| - all the tracks are good ok...so i'm sitting here listening to a perfect circle and this cd is really making me think about what is going on in my life and a few other things...like what am i doing with my life and where the hell i'm going besides a huge circle...u know when u take advantage of things like friends who really know who u are or were in the process of know u for who u are and they leave...and u took for granted the conversations that u guys used to have many of them meaningful and life changing especially for me and then others that were just everyday shit...well i miss that shit and its not like i know that many people who i can really talk like that with....b/c everyone i know is extremely superficial (sp) and that is ok from time to time but really people how long and u keep talking about the same shit til it becomes exhausting....well i went on long enough without a point and i guess my point is to not take people or things for granted.
Thanks Jan and Shah for being my friend..even when i made it impossible |
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